SHEPHERDSVILLE – The jokers were running wild during another recent Bullitt Fiscal Court meeting fiasco.
Capitalizing on popular news events of the day, combined with upcoming elections, officials were playing for every vote possible.
Bullitt County Judge/Executive Melanie Roberts began dealing out the likelihood of Bullitt County officially campaigning to host the next FIFA World Cup Soccer tournament.
“It’s a very exciting event, it will help tourism, and I love the sound of those… what’re they called, Zuzu’s petals… oh, vuvuzela horns. They’re so neat.”
County attorney Walt Sholar informed Fiscal Court that among many issues, three soccer stadiums would be needed to host the tournament. Roberts countered that three county high schools football fields were suitable for soccer play.
“You need seating for all the people,” Sholar argued.
“That’s okay,” said Roberts. “People watch it on TV, because it’s too hot to go, and probably a lot of people in our county don’t really like soccer, anyway.”
Later that meeting, based upon the potential of major college sports conference realignment, Roberts proposed a new idea to merge Bullitt County into Metro Louisville.
Magistrate Joe Laswell immediately announced a new strategy of his own: The county’s north end would merge all five incorporated cities into one, making it Bullitt County’s largest city.
“(The north end) is not truly represented in this government and needs to be respected,” he said.
The new city, potentially dubbed Lazville, would include Hillview, Pioneer Village, Hebron Estates, Fox Chase and Hunters Hollow.
Magistrate David Walker made his own surprise announcement: Lebanon Junction could leave Bullitt for Hardin County.
Not to be outdone, magistrate Eddie Bleemel, the only court member not seeking re-election, said Mount Washington might split from Bullitt and incorporate the western half of Spencer County, forming a new county.
Roberts looked to magistrate Buddy Shepherd for support. Shepherd said he was in talks to realign the county’s west end with the city of West Point, extending Bullitt’s borders to the Ohio River.
A stalemate ensued.
Laswell broke the silence by switching gears, calling for Bullitt County to buck state law and legalize countywide gambling.
Bleemel followed by stating that if gambling were legalized, 24-hour alcohol sales may as well be included.
Walker said physical improvement projects were better for county spending than pipe dreams, calling for new bridges to be built over the Salt River to better connect the county. Shepherd liked the idea as well, so long as it did not conflict with fish and wildlife.
Laswell and Bleemel joined together on the casino-alcohol idea, while Shepherd and Walker supported a new bridges project, leaving Roberts with a tie-breaking decision. Initially she attempted to change the subject.
“I think everyone in Bullitt County should have their pets spayed, and we should club anyone who doesn’t have the heart to fix their beloved animals,” said Roberts. “Plus I feel our parks board needs extra funding to create more baseball diamonds.”
The magistrates did not follow suit, leaving Roberts to mutter to herself, sounding as if she said, “Four aces.”
It was then that Roberts shuffled the deck and again presented her hand, knowing that three-of-a-kind would beat two pair.
“I’m glad we have a full house here today, and I’m going to talk straight,” said Roberts, looking flush. Still betting on her metro government idea, Roberts raised one finger.
“Uno,” she yelled.
“Gin,” shouted Bleemel.
“Bridge,” shouted Walker.
“Go fish,” shouted Shepherd.
“Old maid,” shouted Laswell, staring at the judge with clinched fists.
“Hit me,” said State Trooper Steve Pavey, Roberts’ fiancé.
“I’ll raise,” said Sheriff Donnie Tinnell, with his hand on his taser.
“I’ll call,” said Sholar, who remained on a cell phone with an adviser throughout the discussion.
“I’ll fold,” said administrative assistant Lisa Craddock, slamming shut her informational folders.
“I’ll match the pot,” said county judge candidate and former Drug Task Force director Kenny Hardin, holding a lighter over a mound of confiscated illegal drugs displayed in the back of the room.
“Too rich for my blood,” said Deputy County Judge Billy Roy Shepherd, looking over the dessert tray at the Fiscal Court buffet table.
“I’m out,” shouted Bleemel, who threatened to leave the meeting. “There’s too many wildcards here.”
On Sholar’s advice, Fiscal Court entered into executive session.
“We’re playing a bored game out here,” he said. “Let’s roll the dice in the back.”
During executive session no one else had a clue as to what was happening. However, it did not sound as if anyone had a monopoly on the conversation. In fact, on more than one occasion someone was overheard shouting “sorry” at other members.
When the session ended Roberts announced no further action was taken, all ideas for the day were suspended, and all county employees would leave work early.
“We couldn’t break the ice and the operation was aborted before there was further trouble,” said Roberts. “Plus it’s pay day and everyone has ants in the pants. We had hoped for perfection, but that’s life.”